[Light]

Zoe,
Eating right and exercising will always do you good. Forget the scale the important thing is that you are feeling better. I am sure that good changes are happening in your body. Do not give up, you are on the right track.

Good luck.

[ZoeJ]

I really hate how I feel right now. I know it's not about numbers, but it's the most tangible thing to me and the way I've always assessed myself. I had a serious eating disorder a while back... started in high school and got to the point where I thought I was going crazy. After a great deal of support and counseling I was doing really well and got healthy and was happy with my body. And I think anyone would have been, because I looked good But then years later I have this miscarriage and just got so depressed and slept so much and suddenly I'm a size 16 and not at all feeling like who I think I am. Not that weight matters, but it just changed me. And so here I start losing, I'm down to a size 12, then suddenly a ten and I'm thinking, hey, not much further to go. But I'm stuck. The pills didn't work and honestly I'm kind of glad because in some ways I think it would be more rewarding to just do it without them. Corny. I know. And I noticed yesterday that my pants I wore all last summer (12) are hanging off of me to the point that it's absurd I even wear them, yet the scale reads the same. And it's really depressing me. Which is probably silly because obviously there is SOME change. It's just really depressing because those 3 numbers are the only way I've ever thought about my body.

And so I've fallen into kind of a funk. And that's not how I like to be. It's not outward; no one else around me can tell, but during the day I'm just kind of blah. Yesterday was good because I was with a few friends so it was distracting, but today I'm just kind of hanging out with myself. Which I probably should take advantage of. Going to do some re-organizing, maybe start packing for my trip... just some stuff that needs to get done (and getting things done usually brightens my mood). I think I'm going to skip the gym today... as I did yesterday. We're hiking tomorrow and that always helps lift my spirits. I feel like the gym would just make me more funky... I can get some exercise around here, and I may have to walk a few miles to the mechanic, anyway.

I don't see it as laziness, I just think maybe NOT going will keep my mind off how utterly lousy I feel.

[SouthernGirl]

Zoe, you are my hero! You have really been working hard. I feel like such a slacker! I know you have probably lost a lot of weight w/all of your hard work. I am sorry that you are feeling bad about everything but keep going. Have you ever noticed that you don't seem to feel any different and then all of a sudden you notice a difference? That hasn't happened to me yet but I am more motivated after reading your journal!

I love that you have included so much info. That is helpful to me and motivating! Keep up the good work--I will be checking in!

[ZoeJ]

Thanks, SG, that means a great deal!

It's so weird how my body is reacting. I'm still off the eph200... it was starting to scare me. So I'm eating well and exercising (this morning I went for a run... about a mile... I'm not much of a runner... yesterday I walked 2.5 miles, the day before about 3). I am getting ready to go away for a few weeks but still trying to get the exercise and good eating in. I haven't been good about journaling because I've just been feeling pouty about the whole thing, but I'll try to be better about it.

For now it's back to getting ready for vaca!