[kDiL]

Hello everyone, I am new to all of this. I am currently 5'3" 172 pounds 38.5% body fat, and 40% water ( I have this niffty little scale). To be honest with you all, I am absolutely miserable. I have gained almost 40 lbs in the last year. I have watched my self esteem absolutely wither away. I dont even have the self confidence to look people in the eye. I began working at my dream job last year which seemed to have been very exciting, but I quickly found out that my dream job came equipped with serious co-worker drama, a cliche, and I was new and didnt fit in. Well the stress and disappointment from this job is what I attribute most of my weight gain to. Besides my evergaining weight I have no health problems. My Dr. will not give me a rx for phentermine because he said I dont exercise enough, that is my problem.

My work and commute schedule is horrible so I dont find a lot of time to exercise. A 20 min walk about 3 x a week. I am not a bad eater. I dont binge eat, I rarely eat sweets, I drink Diet EVERYTHING, yet I continue to gain weight. Ive watched myself slowly grow out of all of my "fat" clothes, only to buy more bigger fat clothes. This time last year I wore a size 8, I now wear a snug 14, Ive never been this big before.

I have tried just about every over the counter diet pill imaginable. Trimspa, slim quick, redline, xantrex, hydroxy cut, farenheit, green tea, oolong tea, lipo 6, you name it I have tried it. I just placed my 1st order for phentermine 30 mg blue/clear. It will be here in 2 days. I am hoping that it will help me get out of this rut I am in. give me the energy and excitement to encorporate a new healthy exercise plan. I had a friend who took phen and she lost like 75 lbs in a year. She looked fabulous and she felt great. She went off of it when she reached her goal and never gained the weight back, but while she was losing she started exercising regularly and eating right. I am hoping that it will work for me. Thanks for reading this, it makes me feel better to just type it out even if no one will read it. If anyone else has any other advise for me I am game. I will keep you all posted on my results.

I posted this in the phentermine thread but I realize this online journal is really what i had in mind. I will continue to post here. That way you all can keep up with my progress if you wish. I am excited!

[kDiL]

Okay -- today! When I fell asleep last night I made myself a promise that I would be good today, and do everything I was supposed to do, so that when I sat down tonight to type this blog I wouldnt have to write anything I was going to be ashamed of, and I can happily say I kept my promise to myself.

lets say this first, I drank more water today than I have in a very long time. I skipped breakfast and I am kinda bummed about that, for lunch I had a handful of carrots and a handful of grapes. I know that it isnt much of a lunch but I was on the go, it was hot, and my appetite wasnt getting the best of me. I will try for a better lunch and breakfast tomorrow. For dinner I had lean beef tips and gravy with mashed potatoes and green beans. I made the gravy with broth instead of fat drippings, and much to my surprise it was still delicious. I made sure my meat portion was about the size of a deck of cards and my mashed potato portion was smaller than my fist. I didnt OD on gravy and the biggest portion on my plate was green beans. (the green beans were plain, no salt, no butter, no garlic NO nothing.) I drank a glass of water before dinner. I ate my green beans first, then my meat, and I saved my mashed potatoes for last, partly because they are my fav, and because if I felt full i wanted to make sure I ate my protein and veggies first. But I ate everything on my plate anyways. After dinner I drank a glass of tea and had another glass of water. And that was my menu for the day. I know not the healthiest, but nothing i am ashamed of.

Now I did my step aerobic video for 30 mins today, and I would be lying if I didnt say it was hard. But I was proud of myself for being able to hang for 30 mins. I have only done it one time before and I was only able to hang 15 mins. Ive owned this aerobic step and video for about 6 months. My kids and I also went to the local pool. We spent about 3 hrs there. I swam and played with the kids on and off for that entire time. I know that isnt the best most consistant exercise, but hey I did it, and I am proud of it. And I felt good today. I came home from the pool, showered and noticed that I had got a little tan at the pool, I felt kinda good about myself. we will see how tomorrow goes.

All day I was motivated by the fact that I knew I was going to sign on here tonight and report my day, I didnt want to report anything negative. My online diet journal is holding me accountable. I like that.

Oh yeah weighed myself this morning:
169.5 lbs, 39.5% body fat, & 40% water.
I hope I can hold out til next week to weigh myself again. I might start going by the bodyfat anyways though, til next time ~ Kdil:wink:

[Guest]

Thanx for posting kDiL.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing

[kDiL]

Well today was not as productive as yesterday. I stayed up late last night, so I slept late this morning however... I ATE BREAKFAST. I had a small bowl for healthy start cerel with 1% milk. I also ate lunch. I had lunch with friend at El Torito. I had 1/2 of a mexican cesar salad, and 1 steak soft taco. I ate maybe 5 tortilla chips with salsa, I had water and a glass of diet pepsi. Now before you critize my lunch let me tell you this was a great feat for me. I absolutely love mex ceasar salad it is one of my fav foods I usually clean my plate. Chips and salsa, well I love those too! And my soft taco, well I had 2 on my plate and I only ate 1. So while I know my choices could have been better, they were much better than usual, so for that I am proud. I had been planning a get together with my friends for quite some time for tonight, and during the day I found out VERY VERY VERY exciting news so when my friends came over we had to celebrate with a bottle of champagne. I had 2 glasses of champagne, 1 hotdog 1/2 a piece of grilled chicken, and about 10 tatertots. I bet you never heard of anyone eating champagne and tatertots HA HA! Not the best dinner choices, but I dont feel like I OD'ed on anything.

As for exercise today, I didnt actually set aside anytime to complete any specific exercises; however, I bought my kids a trampoline today and my hubby and I set it up, and then I played on the trampoline with them for awhile. I dont remember a trampoline being quite so much work, but let me say I was exhausted. I didnt weigh myself today, I am trying to wait until next weds.

My exciting news today was so great, I found out that the biggest stressor in my life over the past year is gone. I am so exstatic! Well until tomorrow. ~ kendra

[kDiL]

Today was by far my worst day in awhile. I had problems during the late afternoon. I was having really bad hunger cravings. I skipped breakfast again today I was really busy this morning. I had a chicken fajita pita for lunch with a diet coke. I had a handful of pistachios for a snack before dinner, along with a handful of chips I drank 2 red bulls today, and I had 3 slices of thin crust pizza and a bread stick for dinner. I also drank 3 ultra light beers this evening. I didnt do any exercise today except jump on the trampoline with my kids, and my dog again this evening. I know I feel pretty shitty posting about my crappy day today, I almost didnt post anything today, but that would defeat the purpose of this online journal and I wouldnt be held accountable. I am going to make better effort tomorrow because I dont want to feel this shitty typing about my day tomorrow night. til tomorrow ~ Kendra.

P.S. Yes, my crazy nut head dog jumps up on the trampoline and jumps up there when we are on it. She is crazy. I am going to try to take a pic one of these days.