[maculated]

Greetings fellow forumers . . . I thought I would say hello and start myself a bit of a journal and hopefully get some input as things go along from veterans.

I have been modifying my diet for about fifteen years, basically since high school, when I really began to realize that I was not the ideal weight (Barbies and media influences aside). Having grown up on tv dinners and a wonderful mother who nurtured by feeding (I go home and she still offers me everything, including packing the fridge full of goodies for my return), I was never obese, but I have always been a little thicker.

In high school, I complained about the size of my calves and it was written off as an athletic build by friends. Ten years later, I have actually turned into an athlete: I am a rock climber, mountain biker, road biker, hiker, kayaker, surfer, etc. And I still have those damned athletic legs.

Okay, granted, I do have a LOT of muscle tone these days. My arms are will shaped and I recently had shoulder surgery (three months ago) and have almost completely normal use of it again. I also put on about ten pounds after that.

I'm tired of being "thick." I am always the "fat" kid in the groups I hang out with - elite athletes - and even though they love me the way I am, I don't. If I could change one thing about me, if it was hair color or nose or face shape or intelligence or personality, anything, it would be weight - and the wonderful thing is, I CAN.

At this stage in the game, I eat mainly tofu, chicken, and fish. High protein grains, protein shakes, and whole, organic food. I have developed a bit of a gluten, soy, and lactose intolerance so evil things like bread and cheese are off the menu - and soy makes an appearance and makes my intestines mad, but what do you do? Oh well.

I am currently attending physical therapy once a week to track my at-home progress with the shoulder, am doing the weight program outlined in _The New Rules of Lifting for Women_ three times a week, and doing cardio in the gym every day between 30 min (for lunch breaks) and an hour at high levels. I also am a bike commuter and do about 4 miles a day on my road bike.

I am at about 28% body fat right now. I would like to get to 20%. I hope I can do it. I think my biggest weaknesses are portions and sugar. I don't really drink, but give me some ice cream!

All of this has actually made me gain a bit, so I talked to the woman who manages the gym I go to and she recommended ephedra-based lipodrene. I am a bit wary of it as I don't like artificial things when hard work should be all it takes, but after ten years of really learning how to eat and exercise and not getting desired results (granted, I didn't really get fatter, either), I feel I need a bit of a push. So here I am.

I hope I look a lot thinner and a lot more cut in the coming months. My goal is to drop 15 pounds by a friend's wedding on August 16th and keep it off. We'll see from there.

Any input on my comments above would be MOST welcomed!

[maculated]

Dismally, despite maintaining a 1000-calorie deficit since posting, I seem to be gaining weight. I believe it's a lot of water weight thanks to a gnarly heat wave and my response of flushing my body. I hope it is. I am working out a lot, and taking my supplements. We'll see, I guess. Sigh. Perhaps I am trying too hard. I lost a ton of weight in November for no reason. What's the secret!?